A key component to being a great connector is:

Cultivating the tool of discernment.

As a freelancer, one of your best allies is your reputation. People come to you because they trust you can get the job done. When it comes to being a connector that means having good judgement of who will and will not work together.

Beyond having the skills to get the job done, personalities must mesh as well.

Not everyone works well together. If your discernment in understanding the demeanor and temperament of others is off it can cause poor pairings, even if someone is capable of getting the job done.

I’ve ran into this issue a number of times over the years.

Someone comes to me in search of service. The person I refer, while they have the technical skills required, may not have the discipline or work either to deliver.

This causes frustration for the one seeking the help. While they may not be frustrated with me personally, the situation does have a negative impact on their ability to trust I can provide the resources they need.

Sometimes it’s the other way around.

The people I refer over have a horrendous experience with the one in need of help. Again, they may not be upset with me directly. But it makes them less interested in accepting work I may offer in the future.

Here is an example of that scenario playing out…

A number of years ago, I found myself working with a rather interesting event producer. Let’s call him Scott.

Scott’s business practices were shady - a lot of smoke and mirrors.

His main priority was making as much money off his clients as possible. So he would set up dozens of shell LLCs to look like he was hiring vendors. When in reality, he did all the work himself and charged a premium.

He cooked his books — sharing one budget with the client to show how money was being allocated, and keeping the real budget private.

He was an “agency” of one, but fronts on his clients like he had many employees and departments.

It was wild stuff.

To top it off, he laid the sarcasm on thick.

At face value, he seemed like a major asshole. But I was able to see under the surface and see a good human inside (he hated when I called him out). He actually did care about people and was a bit of a sweetheart, hiding under a mask of being “a piece of shit” (his words).

For whatever reason, we worked well together. He took care of me — paid well and brought me along for some big projects. I got along with him just fine.

No stranger to sarcasm, I could see beyond the facade and his negative attitude sloughed off of me. He thought I was a total weirdo and didn’t understand me. But he trusted me and that put me his good graces.

It took some time to understand who he really was under that rough exterior. I recognized he treated those he respected and trusted much differently than those he did not.

I witnessed him treat both vendors and clients like shit, talking down to them like they were idiots on numerous occasions.

He was not an easy person to work with to say the least.

We worked on a project in San Francisco one time and needed an extra hand. He asked me to hire someone so I brought my bandmate Navid along for the ride.

Prepping him a bit on what to expect, he was able to fit in no problem.

Scott did his normal thing, a bit of a test from what I can tell, and gave Navid a hard time at first. But Navid rolled with it, not letting Scott’s attitude affect him.

Eventually Scott realized Navid was decent and the event rolled smoothly.

I was a little worried.

Oh god, what did I just do?

This could end poorly.

But I lucked out. This time…

A few months later, Scott brought me on for another gig. This one was in Seattle for a CEO summit at Amazon.

There were a lot of moving parts, including setting up two separate locations simultaneously.

To get it all done, Scott asked me to hire a half dozen people as labor. I called my event friends, all capable of the tasks at hand, and they were left with Scott at one venue while I ran point at the other.

From what I learned, day one went ok. Nothing crazy or out of the ordinary. But day two was a disaster — client unhappy and making a bunch of changes.

Scott was getting reamed and took it out on the crew.

He belittled them, treated them like idiot children.

Everyone left that day pissed off.

They thought he was a joke, a complete asshole insulting their intelligence, and never wanted to work with him again.

Fuck…

While I knew there was a chance they’d be put off by this guy, I did not expect it to go as poorly as it did.

I felt bad.

The last thing I want to do is put my friends in a shitty situation.

How did Scott’s actions reflect on my decision-making?

I don’t want my association with shady people to put my own integrity into question.

Over the years, I’ve learned to disassociate from the work. Get the job done, do the best I can, get paid, and move on. I had to stop getting wrapped up emotionally in the project for my own sanity.

In Solution Seekers there’s an idea I call the Decision Trifecta.

When offered work, I run it through a series of three questions to decide if I’ll accept or not.

Those three questions are:

  • Is it a project I want to be a part of?
  • Do I like the team involved?
  • Does it pay well?

Need to answer Yes to two of the three in order to accept.

Working with Scott is an example of the hardest of these combinations:

Cool project that pays well, but don’t like the team.

In my book, the team carries more weight than the project or pay.

The gigs I say yes to with this combo are always the hardest to endure.

Though it may not be a good use of my time, I’d rather work a lame project, for little pay, with a team I love. At least I’m surrounded by good people and we are in it together.

In Scott’s case, I just did his projects for the money; and they were always a drag…

After putting dear friends through a horrendous experience, it made me cautious of making that mistake again.

I want to offer people work they are excited to take. Situations like this makes them less inclined to answer my calls in the future.

I can happily say this was the last project I did with Scott.

Clients (people seeking help) and vendors (people providing service) are reflections of you.

Protect your people, on both sides of the equation.

When making connections, look beyond the surface to determine if it’s a good fit. A client may have work for someone, or a vendor may have the skills to deliver, but make sure personalities are a match.

If not, you roll the dice on if it will go well or not.

The best in the biz is not always needed. Proficiency to get the job done, paired with being easy to get along with, will go a long way to have a pleasant experience.

More so than dealing with an expert who is an asshole.

And it’s better to pair a vendor with a client or project that isn’t the shiny object, but run by lovely humans, than ones high in cool-factor with less than stellar people behind the scenes.

Learn to sharpen your sword of discernment.

If you choose to make a connection, it’s up to you to evaluate each situation and decide who’s the right fit.

Get this right and everyone wins.

You will establish new relationships, and strengthen others. Your value increases as someone who can get things done.

The more you do this, you’ll become top of mind for others, and new opportunities will come your way.

Being a connector may not generate more revenue directly. But it will increase the size and depth of your network.

This in turn will lead to more work in the future. It helps establish a sustainable career, allowing new work to flow to you from more streams.

Be a connector, for it’s own sake.

It’s one of those intangibles making you invaluable, opening doors to a thriving freelance life.

Until next time,

-Andrew Lane

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